Yes, that’s right. I said that. Forewarning, this post is not for the faint of heart. If that’s you, I recommend to stop and return now.
I didn’t believe it when I saw this article in my news feed last night International Day of the Female Orgasm Brings Pleasure to Brazilian Women. I’d never heard of this before. So I did more research and decided that despite not being Brazilian, I wanted to celebrate this holiday too. In fact I think I have a new favorite holiday.
Apparently we can thank Arimateio Dantas, a Councilman of Espertanina, Brazil who started the trend in order to compensate his wife for some sexual debts he owed her. He proposed this day to celebrate sexual pleasure in its maximum expression. The first date this celebration went into effect is uncertain, but we know it’s celebrated on August 8th. In 2005 another Brazilian from Espertantina proposed May 9th as Orgasm Day primarily to improve relationships between married couples. The date was later changed to the 8th of August. There’s very little information available about this in English online. I found many older articles commemorating this day on Mexican and Spanish websites and there was mention of the celebration in Spain, Norway, Mexico, Argentina and Peru.
Here’s a fabulous commercial to commemorate the day from Spain called La Petit Mort (The Little Death), since many people experience altered states of consciousness for a few moments during orgasm. There aren’t subtitles, but maybe you understand Spanish. And after all, orgasm is a universal language:
Official or not here in the USA, it makes sense to dedicate a day to reflect upon female orgasm and expand awareness about it. If you’re brave enough, then talk about it too! There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Sexuality is an important part of human life. I think people are actually dying to talk about sex. What I don’t understand is why we hide to make love but we openly make war and violence. You’re more likely to hear your neighbors arguing than having passionate sex.
It might be time for an intervention. Happy International Female Orgasm Day!
Perhaps a day dedicated to the female orgasm is fitting, not because the male orgasm isn’t important, because it is, but the female orgasm is notoriously elusive. While the purpose of the male orgasm is obvious from a biological standpoint, the purpose of female orgasm is still unknown. Women can have sex and procreate without ever having an orgasm. According to the Kinsey study only one third of women experience orgasm during sexual activity.
Studies range in percentage estimates because finding out how many people have and don’t have orgasms in certain situations isn’t exactly like taking a poll for a political election. The bottom line is that a huge percentage of women have never had an orgasm through sexual intercourse and another sad percentage have never had an orgasm at all.
In pornography, the focus is usually on the male orgasm. He pounds away, culminating with the famous cumshot. The authentic female orgasm is rare on that screen. Most women don’t want to get fucked like that. I know straight women who watch lesbian porn because it’s slow and sensual and the lovers are more connected than in typical guy-girl porn. Nowadays kids are learning sex ed from porn because it’s so easily ubiquitous online. So an entire generation of people are being raised on sexual practices that rarely honor the feminine energy and orgasm. That’s actually nothing new.
Feminine sexuality has been repressed for centuries under the patriarchal rule of religion and society. At this point we are free to choose a different path. The only ones stopping us from exploring and owning the power and beauty of our sexuality is ourselves. It’s time to live empowered by our orgasm in order to enjoy its physical and spiritual health benefits as well as the intensity of pleasurable experiences that push us beyond the edges of who we are, and into altered states of consciousness. The Little Death is when ego and separation are lost and there is no longer a self in that moment but rather the entire expanses of the cosmos. Sexual union isn’t just the joining of bodies and souls, it’s also the merging and integration of the cosmic masculine and feminine energetic principles into One. Orgasm can be a path to the freedom and love of unity consciousness.
We often hear that women take much longer to orgasm than men. While this is true with intercourse, when it comes to masturbation, women on average take 4 minutes and men take 2-3. That makes us surprisingly similar with self-stimulation. So what happens with intercourse that drastically changes the percentage of male to female orgasm?
Here is a hilarious spoof called The Female Orgasm Law.
Why is the female orgasm so misunderstood? Is it because there’s no hard and definite evidence of it like the male ejaculatory orgasm? Females actually can ejaculate though. More on that later. Studies show it takes 15-40 minutes on average for a woman to orgasm. Studies also show that when a woman is self-conscious about her body image, she has less sexual experience and is less sexually assertive. Women are more likely to have an orgasm with a slow build up and prolonged foreplay. Men heat up quickly in excitement. We are the polar opposites, like water and fire. In Taoist sexology the male energy is described as fire that burns hot, fast and intense. A woman is like water. She is slow to heat up but when she reaches the boiling point her energy is powerful enough to blow off the lid from the pot. Quickies can be fun, but most women will tell you that they have more orgasms from slow and prolonged sexual stimulation with partners who are willing to intentionally connect to their own sensitivity in order to feel their partner.
Guys often seem mystified about knowing when she is having an orgasm. In those cases the answer to “Did you cum, baby?” is likely no… unless the poor guy is just really clueless. When a female has an orgasm, she usually makes primal noises. There’s a biological phenomenon called Female Copulatory Vocalization (FCV), which is the female’s behavior of making noise when aroused. Every female is unique just as every sexual encounter is, but you can notice her patterns. FCV is observed among primates and related to human sexuality. Among primates it has been hypothesized that the purpose is to notify other males of the species that a female is aroused and having sex in case he wants to have sex with her too. He allegedly can even know the status and size of the male copulating with her by the sounds she is emitting. You might notice that leading into and during orgasm a woman is in an altered state of consciousness. She might be making strange sounds, vibrating or shaking uncontrollably, saying crazy things, or maybe she can’t speak words at all and her eyes are rolling back in her head or her nostrils are flaring like crazy, or her thighs are bubbling at the surface. Even in the case of a woman whose blocked sexuality is repressing her from making much noise, there are still subtle signs of her orgasm from involuntary physiological responses. Changes in her breathing. Sudden rushes of heat emanating from her body. Contracting muscles in her vagina and anus. Gripping tightly and then letting go. Noticing the female orgasm is not as elusive as it might seem.
The female ejaculatory orgasm is a topic that’s only recently really coming up, and even so not everyone is aware of this. The significance of it is still a bit mysterious. Biologically, the male ejaculates to spread his seed. Studies are also showing that men who ejaculate regularly (at least 3 times a week) have much less chances of developing prostate cancer. So it would seem that ejaculation is a healthy release. The mystical Eastern traditions might beg to differ. In Taoist sexology ejaculation is viewed as reducing life force energy so caution is urged against spending too much energy in ejaculation. Certain sex practices are taught in these traditions for a man to learn how to have an orgasm without ejaculation. I’ve only met one guy who knew how to do that. I’ve met a handful of other women who can ejaculate. And I’ve met a bunch of men who claim they know how to make a woman do that.
A great resource to learn more about the female orgasm and squirting is Jason Julius, the Female Orgasm Expert. I took his Female Orgasm Blueprint training a couple years ago. It’s intended for men, but I wanted to learn what he was teaching. Why wouldn’t I? I want to understand my body and discover how to experience more pleasure than I ever imagined was possible. Here’s Jason’s new site. He talks a lot about not just preparing a woman’s body but also her mind to allow her to reach orgasmic ecstasy. You can watch free videos and find out about the technique on Orgasm Arts. He’ll also send you his free newsletter with tips and information. Check it out!
Female ejaculate comes from the female prostate or Skene’s gland. It contains glucose, so it’s sweet. Many women report feeling a rush of pleasure overtaking the body while it’s being released. A lot of us start shaking uncontrollably. A squirting orgasm is usually most easily induced from manual stimulation of the G-spot.
The G-spot is one of the erogenous zones known to cause female orgasm. It’s also known as the Grafenberg Spot, named after the German gynecologist who discovered it in the 1940s. However there is also evidence that back in the 17th century a Dutch physician named Graaf described female ejaculation caused by an area that he linked to the male prostate. It’s interesting that both doctors had the sound “graf” in their name. Upon some research into that sound and its meaning, I came across a reference to nobility in German and also the words graffiti or masterpiece. Was this perhaps the way the Divine signed the masterpiece of the female body? Is there a greater spiritual purpose of the female orgasm that we’ve yet to realize? What’s shocking is how very recent the talk of the G-spot even emerged. It wasn’t until the early 1980s that it became well known with the publication of The G-Spot and Other Recent Discoveries about Human Sexuality by Alice Kahn Ladas and Beverly Whipple. Then in 2001 the Federal Committee on Anatomical Terminology accepted the female prostate as a term for the Skene’s gland, located in the area of the G-spot.
Some suggest that the G-spot is an extension of the clitoris. Some research suggests that clitoral and G-spot orgasms have the same origin. The G-spot may be where the roots of the clitoris cross. A “come here” gesture with the fingers is recommended to stimulate the G-spot on the urethral sponge, the soft and ribbed tissue about 2 inches inside the vagina toward the front of the body. As this area gets stimulated, it starts to swell until it’s released through the urethra. Some women at the very last minute feel like they need to urinate so they clamp down on the pelvic floor muscles and the ejaculate won’t release. Relaxation is key to the squirting orgasm. Kegel exercises are also reported to be helpful to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which allows women to have more orgasms and squirting orgasms. Some women who have suffered sexual trauma may find that their pelvic floor muscles are constantly in a state of tension, like a physical armoring. Kegel exercises are also helpful to practice tension and relaxation of the pelvic floor.
Relaxation, I believe, is the key to the female orgasm. Surely you can have what’s referred to as a tension orgasm, when you work really hard to build up an enormous amount of tension to push you over the orgasmic edge of pleasure, but that kind of genital pleasure is miniscule in comparison with the total body orgasmic potential of relaxation. The best orgasms are the ones that sneak up and surprise you suddenly with a rush of warmth and flood of bliss.
Several years ago I had a boyfriend who figured out the female ejaculation technique. It was interesting but it happened independent of an orgasm both times so it wasn’t such an intense experience. Suddenly there was just a lot of liquid. I mentioned the idea of female ejaculation to a couple guys I dated after that and neither sounded all that interested. Or were they afraid to enter that realm? I dated one other guy who had figured it out. Guys who are willing not only to bring their woman to orgasm, but also learn how to make her squirt deserve credit because it’s not as easy as it might sound, especially at first, and it takes a lot of courage and generosity to even go there. The reward for both partners is substantial.
With female ejaculation, sometimes women report just a little fluid comes out and other times half a glass of fluid can squirt out across the room. Very little is known about why, when and how it happens. Even my own experience is unpredictable. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it happens in just a few minutes and other times it can take an hour. I believe that female ejaculation has an important function, not just in connection with pleasure, but also in terms of a woman’s physical health. When I look in the mirror the day after a squirting orgasm, my face looks different than when I have a regular orgasm. It’s even brighter and looks younger. We are on the cutting edge of this scientific discovery, so we should see a lot more discussion and information surfacing on the female squirting orgasm in the near future. I highly recommend exploring! You might discover that it’s one of the most exciting frontiers on the horizon.
I discovered how to self-stimulate a squirting orgasm on accident several months ago. A friend of mine from high school sent me a Hitachi Magic Wand for my 35th birthday. When I first saw it I realized it was meant for a clitoral orgasm. I wasn’t all that excited because I’d never really had a clitoral orgasm, as I’d only been able to connect with my pleasure through penetration. But that didn’t stop me from ripping open the box and turning it on anyway. Immediately.
Within only about a minute I started to feel a strange sensation of heat in my clitoris and I was afraid there was something wrong with the electricity so I almost stopped. Before my mind had time to rationalize a decision, an orgasm like I’d never experienced before, suddenly took me over and afterward I noticed my pants were soaked. I thought, Oh my goddess, was that a squirting orgasm?! So of course I tried again. Within a few minutes it happened again, and that time I could actually feel the liquid squirting out. I had to do it a third time because I couldn’t believe it was really happening, and without any manual stimulation to the G-spot. That time I wanted to see it happen with my eyes. Sure enough, within a few minutes I’d had my third self-stimulated (well technically with the assistance of one very Magic Wand) squirting orgasm. Not only that but they were some of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever experienced. So powerful I didn’t even attempt to quiet my pleasure. I was so excited afterward that I was laugh-crying. It was the best birthday gift a single woman could have ever asked for. Plus it’s a great massager for back aches.
I decided that the Hitachi Magic wand has brought such amazing squirting orgasmic energy into my life, that I must pay it back. The last time I visited a friend of mine a few months ago, I bought her one at the local sex shop. She’s one of my favorite people on this planet and we talk openly about our sexuality so I figured she would be a great candidate to enjoy this toy. She was a little dubious but also curious. I went out for a bit and told her to have fun. When I came back she said the first orgasm took all of 35 seconds. It’s quite fitting that today is her birthday. I had no idea this holiday coincided with her day until today. I plan on gifting more Hitachi Magic Wands to the women in my life. I’m all for sexual healing.
A week ago I took a class here in Portland called Introduction to Orgasmic Meditation, or OMing. It was facilitated by Mallora Golden and Ben Phillips, both of whom have studied at One Taste, the OMing institute in San Francisco. I’d never heard of OMing until about a month ago when I met with my mentor and friend who mentioned that he had explored it. I was intrigued. Just like that, a month later it appeared on my local radar.
The class was discussion only and afterward I was left with a definite curiosity to experience it and find out much more. From what I understand, the point of OMing is for both partners to become so sensitive and in tune that everything becomes orgasmic. People who OM say it’s a way to develop insight into yourself and your sexuality, to cultivate sexual energy, and increase sensation. They say it is a powerful way for the feminine sexual energy to rise out of a woman, circulating through her and the person who is stroking her clitoris. OMing creates a safe space for the for the feminine sexual energy to amplify in a woman and ripple outward into the world.
In perfect sync, the Huffington Post aired a video on Orgasmic Meditation a couple days ago. Nicole Daedone, the Founder of One Taste and author of Slow Sex describes OMing as an exploration of orgasm. She said that before she was introduced to this practice, she knew the next phase of her spirituality would be about connection. Nicole says that OMing is not about the climax but rather deeply connecting with the partner, enhancing health, relationships and emotional wellbeing. She describes OMing as the most profound human connection she has ever experienced. There was also discussion about the Rutgers Orgasm Lab, the only one in the country to do neuroscience research on brain activity during orgasm and meditative states. It turns out that the same parts of the brain light up during both. Also when the men were stroking the women, their brains lit up with similar patterns of excitement as their receptive partner. These studies and practices open the door to a fascinating field of exploration.
We are at the cutting edge of sexual and spiritual evolution. It’s the new Wild West of human development. Yeehaw!
Happy International Female Orgasm Day. Enjoy the celebration!